Bittersweet Moments

Junior trying out his tux before our wedding.

Let’s start with the hardest news first and save the happy news for last.  We had to say good bye to Junior yesterday night.  He started showing some symptoms on Thursday.  Got him into a doctor and returned home to try some meds.  Friday we went back again to go get some test done because he wasn't doing well.  Then Saturday the doctor called us with the results that Junior was suffering from kidney failure.  We went as a family and put him to rest yesterday afternoon around 4 p.m.  Our vet let us stay in the room with Junior while he passed.  I held his head in my hands and looked deeply into his eyes as he took his last few breaths.  Gary and Jade stood close by together.  Jade started crying when the needle went in Junior, well we all did.  We stayed in the room a little while after to have some closure the best we could.   We all gave him one last kiss.  We thought Junior had many more years left in him.  He was only 5, but he had the biggest heart. When we were about to leave Junior, we told Jade to say “Goodbye Junior,” and the rest of the evening Jade kept saying “Goodbye Junior.”  It always brought tears in our eyes.

Who could ask for a better friend!

Last night Gary and I chatted about some of our most fond memories of Junior.  I remember when I got him as a puppy.  He was my little snuggle buddy always ready to give some love.  I’ll never forget the first time Junior met Jade.  They had so much fun together and made a great team.  He accomplished much in his short little life with his efforts to become our hearing dog.  We loved watching Junior and Ginger play together.  They would often play tag and wrestle each other.  It was like they were meant to be buddies. 

Junior always liked to snuggle under blankets.
Ginger is sleeping on top of Junior.  

It’s been interesting to note God’s tender mercies through this experience of the passing of Junior.  When we got Ginger we had no idea Junior would leave us only a month later.  Junior did lots to help Ginger know what was expected as we have worked on training her.  They were so good together.  Another thing I have found interesting is how Ginger’s and Junior’s names sound almost identical.  When we were choosing a name for her we created a list of names we liked and called them out to her to see which one she responded to.  Chance that she chose Ginger, I don’t think so.  Ginger will never fully replace Junior, but she will help fill the void in our hearts.  I am grateful we don’t have to look at an empty crate.  I am thankful we can still remember Junior as we use his belongings with Ginger.  “God gave us memories that we might have June roses in the December of our lives.” (James Barrie) 

Gary wrote this poem today for me through my eyes.  

Thank you Gary for preserving such a tender precious memory for us.  I love you!

Before us a shining silver table is placed

There Junior shall obtain his mercy

My eyes water, the table sparkles

His head I lay on a table so cold

His head in my hand I hold

His eyes, my eyes meet

Tears that he cannot shed

I gladly shed for him and I

Junior’s eyes then looks beyond my own

His pain is no more

Knowing he is no more there

Our years of memories together

Become whispers in my memory be

Though time fades, and years forgotten

Yet a faint memory of Junior will never leave me

As many of you know by now I am pregnant.  It has been an interesting experience for us as we have arrived to this moment.  Many of you might remember Elder Anderson’s talk from General Conference in October of 2011.  He spoke on the importance of families and bringing children into this world.  After he spoke, Gary asked me how I felt.  We both had a feeling of guilt, and a determination to show more faith.  We had been putting off pregnancy because of fear as to how my body would handle the next pregnancy and want to face it during when time is better when both of our work is more flexible.

The first pregnancy of Jade was not a pretty one.  I lost one tooth.  I spent many hours in the bathroom.  I couldn’t eat much, and lost weight .  We had to make several trips to the E.R.  It was a hard and depressing time for me.  To be honest, it has to be one of the most depressing times in my life.  Junior would do his best to comfort me during the day then Gary would come home to help me.  Gary and I just were not sure we were ready to experience that all over again.

So we prayed, and found the faith to press forward to try to have another child.  A few months passed.  Still not pregnant.  Around December, Gary’s work was collecting numbers to put on our annual cafeteria plan that we could use toward medical bills.  With the window closing in a week we didn’t have much time.  We debated much on how much to put in.  In the end we came to the conclusion that we just needed to have faith.  We decided that we would put in a few thousand to cover medical expenses for the baby we hoped to have.  That meant we had until March to get pregnant or we would need to become really creative on how to use all that extra money.

On Christmas Eve we took the test and found out I was pregnant.  It was a great gift to our little family that day as we reflected on the Savior; the giver of life eternal.  We waited several weeks until we were able to meet with an OBGYN to confirm that I was indeed pregnant to tell family and friends.  We are so thrilled for this little one to join us. 

This pregnancy has been an amazing experience.  I have not experienced the hardships like I did in my first.  I did struggle with my energy, and feeling of morning sickness all the time.  But what I experienced this time around seemed so minor to what I experienced the first time around.  I’m now past my first trimester.  We’re going in to get the ultrasound at the end of this month.  If you were wondering if we’re going to find out the gender of the baby; the answer is no and yes.  Gary would like a surprise, and I would like to know.  So the compromise is that I get to know the gender on my birthday in July.  That will be about one month before our second little one comes to join us.