The first day our trek, we had a few setbacks with some vehicle problems that delayed our start. We waited many hours. We finally got started around 6:00 p.m. The last meal we had was our sack lunch at noon. We had no idea how far we were traveling, we loaded all our water, tents, clothing, and all other supplies onto our handcarts. It became apparent that our group had more supplies than we could handle. We had about 2-3 adults per handcart with children and youth helping as they could. We had borrowed a backpack carrier from a friend for Jade. Gary had made the comment that whoever was carry Jade shouldn’t have to pull the handcart. So it was, we set out, and I agreed to carry Jade the first day. After the first hour of trekking along, I noticed many were struggling. How could I keep walking and not help. With Jade strapped to my back, we put our shoulders to the wheel and pushed. There were times when it was just me and another Father pushing the handcart alone. There were some hills that we came upon, and I thought how are we going to make it over that hill? It’s steep upward climb, but we just pressed on.
I was touched by the example of one young girl that was old enough to be in the nursery. I do not know all the details, but she has a hard time walking. She has progressed from not needing a walker, but still needs assistance from time to time with walking. She started out in the Handcart, but she wanted to walk. We put her near the back of the handcart where she could hold on and walk. She walked, and walked until she was exhausted. Each day on she would beg to be able to push the handcarts like everyone else. Just holding on to the back of the handcart to stable herself she would walk until her body hand no more to give. It was a miracle to witness what she accomplished. I was touched by her determination, and grateful I was able to be taught by her example. "And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me." (Matt 18:3-5)8:00 p.m. still not to camp. 1 hour past Jade’s bed time and she hasn’t had dinner. (I only had powdered milk to give her. That was the only item I was informed wouldn't be provided for Jade. All other food would be provided for us.) So I’m hungry as well as so many others, most of us hadn't eaten since lunch. I had made a commitment to myself that I didn’t want to complain, but learn from the hardships. There we walked along the trail into a beautiful sunset struggling our way through, and wondering how close camp was.
8:30 p.m. we can see a glimps of the campsite way off in the distance. There were a few members our planning committee who did not join us on the first day of the trek. I visualized the 3 of them making a nice hot meal for us when we pulled up to camp. 9:00 p.m. we finally arrived to camp. With the sun setting we didn’t have time to think about eating just yet, we had to hurry and use the time we had set up our tents even though our bodies were screaming for food. After we got our tent set up we hurried over for the food. There was no warm food waiting for us…cold sandwiches. I could visualize and understand so clearly how much the pioneers had yearned for a home cooked meal already prepared for them after such a long and arduous trek all day in the snow or heat. Yet they got no special treatment and neither did we. We were truly humbled among our circumstances. While I yearned for a hot cooked meal, I realized how blessed I was to have food while in situations like this the pioneers would have been rationing out what little food they had.
After seeing the sunset, walking on an empty stomach, exhausted, and imagining doing this without our family, Gary wrote this poem:
My love ones have been taken
By the God that created them
I am but left alone.
On these endless plains and hills
Where shall I place my hope?
Why do I let my feet to make another step?
I look yonder and see a beautiful sunset
Its beautiness tugs my heart,
Is this where I can place my hope?
The colors fade, the life in the cloud leaves
Where then shall I place my hope?
Is the place where God for us prepared
Lie beyond the hill?
But dread, as if it were a mountain,
I am still alone
I still move my feet more than I think is needed
Why should I still go?
Where is this hope that keeps me going?
Sunset failed me,
The place over the hill is not there,
Is it for my God that I make these endless steps?
Oh God... fail me not!
Gary and I both struggled with the thought of continuing with the trek after the death of family members. We both wondered how they could continue in such despairing moments. One wife lost her husband because he refused to eat the rations that were provided him. He gave them to his family instead. The next morning this wife woke not only to the grief of the passing of her husband, but her infant had died during the night too. I have often asked myself if I would have had the strength to continue after losing Gary and Jade in one night. I don't know if I would have. Hope and faith is what saw her through. That's all she had left to hold on to, and she did make it to Salt Lake.
We went to sleep that night exhausted. Jade struggled through the first night. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything to ease her cries, but hold her close and hope that she would stop crying. Later on in the evening I too awoke with a great migraine. Because many of our members are deaf Gary had to figure out how to get help without invading their privacy. He tried to search around for a good 30 minutes speaking loud enough hoping one of the hearing people would figure out something was wrong. He felt that his efforts might be futile, leaving me to endure through the night in pain. One woman finally came out to help Gary to get the medicine. (Later we realized that migraine was a result of the heavy pushing of the handcart and caring of Jade. My body can’t handle heavy loads like it used to.)
The next day I was somewhat embarrassed to show my face knowing that Jade and I had interrupted other fellow campers sleep during the night. To my surprise, one woman in our group walked over to the tent and offered to take Jade as she woke early at 5:30 in the morning so we could sleep an extra hour. It seemed as if many women and young women understood my needs for help with my daughter. They reached out and helped free my hands so I could help Gary take down camp. That morning those sisters were heaven sent angles to help a weary mother.
Because of how hard the trek was the first day for our group, the trek committee found a way to lighten our load so we carried water, and a few other basic necessities. That helped a great deal. My biggest concern throughout the trek was providing food and nourishment for Jade in the heat. Before we began our trek I asked the committee if we would be having a late meal again like yesterday night for dinner. I was assured that if everything went as planned there would be no need to pack a meal. We broke down camp and left for our next destination at 10 a.m. Our journey to the next location took much longer than expected. I started to feel like I was living on food rations as the pioneers did. We were not given any snacks to take with us, just water. The Willie and Martin Handcart Company conditions were so desperate with only a little flour and water every day for food. They had no choice but to move on and hope that help would come. We didn’t get lunch until 2:30 that afternoon, but I found myself in greater understanding of what it was like for the pioneers to live with such limited resources. That afternoon we pitched camp and rested the rest of the day. That night we slept much more peacefully and enjoyed sleeping on an air mattress. Tomorrow would be the longest trek for our group.
We started off for our longest handcart pull. We were informed that we would be crossing through several streams where the current would be strong. I was just thrilled that we would be able to get wet with how hot it was. The morning was a long hot trek without any shade from the sun. After lunch we continued on. We were hot and tired, but this is what we signed up for when we enlisted to come on the trek. Up until this point we had faced many hills, but this one just looked overwhelming. We stopped at the bottom of the hill for what I thought was a break for everyone before we were to go up, but it was more than that. The missionaries, who were our escorts while on the trail, informed us that the men would be leaving us, and we women and children would be left to pull the handcarts alone. I was tired & hot. With Jade on my back I looked at Gary and wanted to cry. As Gary walked away I felt like he took part of my hope. He turned and walked up the hill with the other men and shed a few tears wondering how we could do it. He felt like he was abandoning his family. He didn't feel that it was fair that any family should experience what the pioneers had to go through.
With the men gone, we sisters gathered around with the children. There was discouragement and perhaps a little fear as contemplated and prepared ourselves for going up the hill. We were so humbled and recognized that this was beyond us to do alone. The sister missionary shared with us some insight and applied the experience we were just about to have to our lives. She said, “Life is an uphill battle. Does it ever stop? No not really. Uphill battles are when we carry on even when we lose someone we love. Uphill struggles come when our faith is tested. Uphill battles come when life doesn’t go as planned. Life is meant to be an upward pull.” That moment we sisters never had stood together more united than that very day. We said a prayer and took our places to begin the upward ascent. The men stood at the top of the hill beside the trail. They were instructed not to talk, or even reach out to help us. I watched one handcart struggle upward then the second handcart went. They were doing fine until they hit the steepest part of the turn upward. I left my handcart and ran to their aid. Some of us made two or three trips up and down that hill to aid struggling handcarts up the hill. That day I think the men cried more than we sisters did. It was indeed a hollowed and sacred moment that we shared. Shortly after that one sister in our group collapsed from the efforts she put into our upward pull. She must have gone up and down the hill three times. Even as she laid there completely exhausted, in and out of consciousness she didn’t want us to send her away. She wanted to stay. She wanted to finish the trek. She gave her heart and soul, but thankfully it didn’t cost her life. We had the priesthood give her a blessing and then we sent her to the hospital. I though of how many in the Willie Martin Hancart Company didn't make it to Salt Lake City and died along the trail. I was reminded of one sister who said these words before passing on into the next life. "Tell my son that I died facing towards Zion." There were 210 pioneers that died along the trail with the Willie Martin Handcart Company.
After we sent the sister off to the hospital, we had another member in our party who wasn’t feeling well. He father laid his hand on her head and gave her a blessing of comfort and strength. But there was one part of the blessing that touched me the most went something like this, “There were angles among the pioneers as they faced their hardships. Even now there are angles among us to help you.” This young girl did finish the trek despite the hardships she faced.
Then we went on to pass through the streams. I was surprised at how deep the streams were each time we crossed. Sometimes the water came up to our waist. Though our experience was enjoyable as we passed through the refreshing cold waters, the Willie & Martin Handcart Company were not so fortunate. They had to pass through these waters in the bitter cold. Many died from the crossing. At one of the final crossings, the saints broke down and cried. They knew they couldn’t endure passing through the frozen waters again. Four men carried everyone in the handcart company to the other side. Prior to the trek I had a special privilege to hear Elder Bednar speak to the CES teachers. There were many great things he taught us, but one thing he said was especially applicable to our experience. As Elder Bednar concluded his remarks with us he shared his testimony with us. “As an Apostle of Jesus Christ I know these things to be true, but more that that I testify they are true. But most importantly, I WITNESS this is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.” I have pondered on that statement many of times as I have related it to our pioneer experiences. Many of us know of the stories, and the hardships the pioneers faced in the early days of the church. Many of us have had the spirit testify to us of the truthfulness of the experiences the pioneers faced. How many of us have been able to witness them? Through our expereinces as a family, our hearts have become more appriecative, more grateful, and more humbled by the sacrifices of the pioneers. From the experiences we had for a few days on the pioneer trail we have become witnesses of their their true devotion to the faith. We will be forever grateful for the expereinces we had as we walked on hollowed ground.
Emm, this was a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing..
ReplyDeleteThanks! Perhaps one of my favorite post.
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